The Coldplay song that resonated before my daughter’s diagnosis
As a Rett syndrome parent, I think about this song every day
Winter break always brings me back to December 2010, when all I could think was, “This will be our last Christmas and New Year’s without an official diagnosis for Cammy.”
We’d spent several long months going to appointments and therapies, trying to figure out why our 20-month-old daughter, who passed away in December 2023, was so delayed and regressing in her physical skills. During winter break, we were waiting for the results of a blood test to determine if Cammy had Rett syndrome.
I felt so alone. I had all these emotions and thoughts, but I couldn’t explain them. For the past nine months, I’d taken Cammy to countless therapists and clinicians, and she’d undergone so many tests. However, no one could come up with a diagnosis; they knew only that she was delayed. Every medical test came back negative.
I struggled to convey my emotions and fears, but then, it struck me.
‘And the tears come streamin’ down your face’
A few days before Christmas 2010, I was watching a Christmas special of “The Sing-Off” in which the a cappella group Street Corner Symphony joined others in singing Coldplay’s song “Fix You.” It struck me hard. I was sobbing uncontrollably, soaking in every single word. It was kismet. The lyrics rang true. Everything I was feeling was being sung to me.
“When you try your best, but you don’t succeed”
I’d failed my child. I’d failed my family. What had I done wrong? We were going to so many therapies and appointments, but nothing was helping Cammy progress.
“Stuck in reverse”
Why was Cammy regressing? Why couldn’t she do all the things most other children her age were doing?
“When you’re too in love to let it go”
Because of our unconditional love, we’d never stop trying to help our daughter.
“Lights will guide you home/ And ignite your bones/ And I will try to fix you.”
I couldn’t stop trying to fix Cammy. Something had to be out there to “ignite” her bones and get her moving. I would never stop trying to help her live the best life she could. We would do whatever it took — therapies, appointments, specialists, clinical trials — to fix whatever condition she might have.
When I received the phone call from her doctor on Jan. 7, 2011, confirming that Cammy had Rett syndrome, “Fix You” was on repeat in my head. Since then, not a day has gone by when I haven’t though about at least part of that song.
I know Coldplay’s “Fix You” has been an anthem for so many others struggling with not being able to make everything all better for a loved one. It always astounds me how a song can immediately throw me back to a very specific point in time. It also amazes me when it feels like a song could’ve been written just for me.
Note: Rett Syndrome News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Rett Syndrome News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to Rett syndrome.
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