How Rett syndrome affected my children’s birth order traits
My youngest daughter quickly learned to act like the oldest
I’ve always been fascinated by birth order theory, which suggests that the order in which children are born may influence their personality traits and relationship roles.
As the youngest of six kids, I loved being the baby of the family. While my siblings would say I was spoiled, I like to think they all enjoyed doing everything for me. My mom would tell me that my feet never touched the ground because someone was always carrying me, even when I was 2 or 3 years old. I was a go-with-the-flow child because I was always going to my siblings’ extracurricular activities or running errands with my mom.
My oldest sister is very intelligent, responsible, and a leader. My other sisters have middle-child characteristics. One is very agreeable and keeps the peace, while the other is diplomatic and independent.
When I had children of my own, I was eager to see if their characteristics would align with their birth order. However, having a firstborn child with profound special needs shook that up. Cammy was born in March 2009, followed by her sister, Ryan, in February 2011.
Ryan was 23 months younger than Cammy, and born only one month after we received Cammy’s Rett syndrome diagnosis. But even as the youngest, Ryan has never acted like a stereotypical youngest child.
Ryan’s multiple roles
Because of her Rett syndrome, Cammy went through a regression between 6 and 18 months of age. She had only hit a couple milestones, so she didn’t have that many to lose. It was more noticeable that she wasn’t progressing. As a baby, Cammy could roll over and sit independently, but she lost those skills by the time she turned 1.
By the time Ryan was 6 months old, she was crawling and pulling to stand, and had already surpassed Cammy in every physical aspect. By the time Ryan was 18 months, she was helping to feed Cammy. She assisted her older sister during therapies, got her toys to play with, and was already doing hand-over-hand on iPad games. That was the point when I started thinking that Ryan seemed like the older sibling.
As Ryan grew, she became very independent. She played so well on her own with her gigantic imagination. Cammy needed much more time and attention, but Ryan never seemed to mind. She never was upset or resented Cammy or us for that.
Ryan continued to play the role of oldest child as she happily looked after her sister. She read Cammy books before bed, cuddled with her on the couch during shows, picked out her clothes, did skin care routines for Cammy, and helped Cammy whenever she needed it, all with a smile on her face.
When Cammy passed away in December 2023 from complications of Rett syndrome, Ryan became an only child. She has always exhibited classic only-child traits, such as being creative, mature, well-spoken, and self-entertaining. But now I fear she may experience loneliness or pressure to meet high expectations. For years, so much of our attention was focused on Cammy and her needs; now all of that focus has shifted onto Ryan.
I wish Ryan never had to experience being the youngest, oldest, then only child. She has gone through more in 14 years that most do in a lifetime. But I truly believe that all the traits and memories she has absorbed from those different roles will make her a well-rounded adult.
Note: Rett Syndrome News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Rett Syndrome News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to Rett syndrome.
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