Preparing our youngest for high school is not what we’d hoped

I’m the youngest of six children: four girls, a boy, then another girl. (That last would be me.) I was always jealous that my sisters were able to be together while attending the same high school and college. Hearing their memories of carpooling, hanging out, being teammates, and preparing for dances sounded so fun. There’s nothing like a sister bond.

The coming school year should be the first time my two children would be in the same school together. My oldest, Cammy, should be preparing her sister, Ryan, for high school. My oldest should be showing her sister the ins and outs of the building, giving her the inside scoop about teachers, and making sure her little sister has a crew of upperclassmen looking out for her.

Instead, my younger daughter is about to head off to high school as though this experience is new for all of us.

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Cammy and Ryan had always gone to different schools because of Cammy’s Rett syndrome diagnosis. Ryan went to our local elementary and middle schools, which were within walking distance, while Cammy traveled a few miles away to our district schools, which met her more involved needs. There she had full teams to support her and other children with more complex disabilities. Our local high school, however, was equipped to accommodate every type of child.

So with that, high school was going to be the equalizer. They were supposed to go together to football games, share preparations for Homecoming, and otherwise support each other more than ever before.

However, Cammy passed away from complications of her Rett syndrome just a few months into her freshman year of high school, before Ryan’s presence there could become a reality.

Now Ryan is preparing to enter high school. Her experience feels brand new, different from Cammy’s two months in high school about two years ago. It pains me that I’m not able to answer questions that Cammy should’ve been able to answer. I don’t know exactly what happens during freshman orientation. I don’t know where all of Ryan’s classes will be. I don’t know where the student section is during football games. I don’t know the dress trends for Homecoming or what kids do before and after the dance.

I’m grateful that Ryan is a strong, independent young woman. She’ll advocate for herself, explore new classes, meet new friends, and dive right into the spirit of the high school. And I know she’s that way because of Cammy. Ryan will be fine as she figures out high school. Even though Cammy won’t be with her physically, she did give Ryan all the tools to be successful, and she’ll always be with her in spirit.

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